Felix
jultränings-
program

(a'la Arnold)
The Chair is the Enemy

UNIT: MILJÖINSPEKTÖRER
LOCATION: SVALAN HQ

"Listen to me! They call this building 'Svalan', but you are not a small bird. You are a MACHINE. You go out on tillsyn, the Miljöbalken is your weapon, but the real enemy is the administration. The chair tries to kill you. The flexible seating is a lie. Come with me if you want to survive the Teams meeting."

Mission Data
01 The Flex-Seating Protocol
Exercise 1
"You have no fixed coordinates."
You are supposed to change desk every day, but you sit in the same spot like a statue. STOP IT. We must lubricate the joints. Do this exercise before you try to find a monitor that actually works.
DESKUNKNOWN
STIFFNESSTERMINATED
02 Report Writing Grip
Exercise 2
"Stop typing! Squeeze!"
You have written too many förelägganden. Your hands are frozen in a claw shape. Unacceptable. We need blood flow. Squeeze your muscles like you squeeze a business operator who ignores utsläppsvillkoren.
GRIPLETHAL
ADMINCRUSHED
03 Inspection Legs
Exercise 3
"Get to the field car!"
Sometimes you are out on tillsyn, walking in mud. Sometimes you sit for 6 hours. This confuses the legs. Wake them up! You need strong quads to jump out of the car when you arrive at a facility.
LEG-DAYALWAYS
TILLSYNREADY
04 Back Stability (Admin Mode)
Exercise 4
"Consider that a divorce... from slumping."
The Miljöbalken is heavy to carry. It weighs down your mind and your back. This exercise strengthens the spine so you can carry the weight of bureaucracy without collapsing.
POSTUREUPRIGHT
LAWUPHELD
05 Stealth: The Good Seat
Exercise 5
"I eat activity-based seating for breakfast."
You want that specific desk by the window? You need speed. You need agility. Train this movement so you can beat your colleagues to the best spot in the morning. No mercy.
SPEEDMAX
WINDOWMINE
06 Cyberdyne Glutes
Exercise 6
"Your glutes will say 'Hasta la vista'."
Sitting on Teams meetings all day turns your muscles into porridge. We must reboot the system. If you can't feel the burn, you are still buffering.
SYSTEMREBOOTING
TEAMSMUTED
07 Core Inspector
Exercise 7
"Stick around."
You need a core of steel to handle angry phone calls and complicated permits. Be solid. Be unmovable. Like a rock that cannot be appealed in court.
CORESOLID
APPEALDENIED
08 Conan's Filing Cabinet
Exercise 8
"I do not file papers. I terminate them."
What is best in life? To crush your inbox, see the errands completed before you, and hear the silence of a finished behovsutredning. Lift heavy.
STYLESAVAGE
CASESCLOSED
09 The Lunch Break Sprint
Exercise 9
"Run! Go! Get to the microwave!"
High intensity intervals. Imagine the queue to the microwave is forming. You have 30 seconds before it gets too long. RUN!
CARDIOEXTREME
FOODWARM
10 Teams Freeze Protocol
Exercise 10
"Chill out."
Hold this position. Stay completely still, like when the connection freezes during a Teams meeting and everyone wonders if you are still there. Discipline!
CONNECTIONLOST
FocusHELD
11 True Lies (About Standing Up)
Exercise 11
"You are fired... up!"
You say you use your standing desk. That is a lie. But today we make it truth. Stand up! Fight gravity! Do not let the chair win!
DESKRAISED
LIESZERO
12 Mission Accomplished
Exercise 12
"You are number one!"
The year is ending. The inspektionsrapporter are done. You have survived Svalan. You are a Cybernetic Environmental Organism. Now, go enjoy the Christmas ledighet.
RESULTLEGEND
STATUSLEDIG